Tuesday, April 17, 2018

The Embargo Act

I traded a surety for a, "sure, maybe".

For someone who dislikes casinos I sure gamble a lot.

Je ne regrette rien for I have learned so much.

It's 3:00 am Somewhere

At 3 am her lips form a pout, as if she's about to go down.

Not on a man, but to sleep.

Please turn off the light and lower the volume of the TV.

Sometimes We Break

Now all the memories are crashing into one wave
and I can only remember breakfast that morning
when I was sure the waiter has listened to our conversation
and put on the ultimate heartbreak playlist

I finished my coffee is silence.

My favorite memory is of you waking up early to make me eggs.
And when you'd forbid me to enter the kitchen
because you wanted to perfect the aesthetic of our dinner.

I made a comment about your pants once
and laughed when I saw you hurry into your room to iron out the wrinkles.

When you knew I'd fall asleep watching the movie I kept nagging about but did it anyway.
Thank you for crying with me during every single Scrubs episode.

Dare I say my favorite memory is making out in the back lot of a church and running away when we found out it was sacred?

My favorite memory is when we were walking through Central Park and you made sure I knew you liked drugs. And my favorite memory is when you stopped smoking so much because you loved me so much.

My favorite memory is when we first ice skating together and I was too shy to look into your eyes.

My favorite memory resides somewhere in the back of Mike's car as he unflinchingly looked straight ahead.

My favorite memory is that as a dog walker, you owned a cat.

My favorite memory is when we went on a cruise and all the girls were enamored by your etiquette. And I was too.

My favorite memory is of you playing the piano in the Upper West Side.

My favorite memory is when you'd ask me to pick out your clothes and that you always complain about the shoe choice.

My favorite memory is your willingness to make me happy, though it didn't stretch far enough into the future. So sometimes I wish I could cradle my sadness to sleep.

My favorite memory is that I'm human enough to make new memories.

To Be A Teenager

After popping a bubblicious into my mouth I became a kid again. I instantly decided to play snake, well I played twice until I realized I was no good and then I went on to cartoonnetwork.com where I searched for the "Dexter Farm Game". When I was a kid I used to play Dexter's game where he owned a farm and had to create coops for chickens using electricity by way of metal. He was kind've like Spiderman except instead of spiderwebs coming out of his hand, actually he was more like Harry Potter, with a wand in his hand and instead of spells it was electricity. This sounds bizarre, it was a fun game. Like most adults afraid of the future, I want to be a kid again. 

Thursday, November 5, 2015

Five Impossible Things Before Lunch

"I'm just one hundred and one, five months and a day."
"I can't believe that!" said Alice.
"Can't you?" the Queen said in a pitying tone. "Try again: draw a long breath, and shut your eyes."
Alice laughed. "There's no use trying," she said: "one can't believe impossible things."
"I daresay you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."

-Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

I'm not a morning person, so, after careful consideration, here are my five post-breakfast impossible thoughts:

1. An elephant bed made out of cobwebs. I was thinking of hammocks and hammocks are usually crocheted (wait, are they?) and crochet looks like cobwebs and that made me think of elephants which are the antithesis of crochet because they're heavy and cumbersome unlike the ladylike elegance of crochet (which is a really fun word the more I say it). Sorry spiders, your fibers are futile for bedding.

2. Decent music on the radio. Ever since they stopped playing NSYNC, radio hasn't been the same, but mostly, radio hasn't caught on to electroswing yet: 

3. A calm household. My family has no chill, none. This will never happen unless secret sidekick ninjas of Bruce Lee's yore tie us up and put on a classic Bollywood movie.

P.S: Please let it be "Hum Hain Rahi Pyar Ke".

4. Staying within my budget. Wait, what budget? I usually like to make sure my bank account is at an even number. That means something right? #millennialprobz 

5. I'm going to buy chicken pumpkin applesauce when Ghostface Killah drops an album. Research and statistics will agree that that phrase, in that order, has never before been said thus having made it not only unique, but also impossible because I'm not sure if Ghostface even drops albums. 

Related but unrelated note: Read The Tao of Wu

Monday, October 12, 2015

Dan Stevens

I am in the middle of writing an article about solar power, but who has time for solar power when you've just realized Dan Stevens exists? I am forever impressed by an actor/actresses, namely Christian Bale and Christian Bale again ability to gain or lose weight depending on his role. Bale obviously for The Machinist and Stevens for his roles in Downtown Abbey and The Guest. I've never seen Downtown Abbey but when I googled Dan's picture I said "dad bod". I can say this because I am single without children in sight and have a mom bod. Sadly, life isn't a Victorian tv set and I don't have an Emmy to show for it.

Here's pictures of Dan's face so that you too can admire him. Stare into the blue abyss of his eyes.

But life's really a nightmare so I leave you with Christian Bale's physical staccato. 

Back to Dan Stevens though. Good night. 


Thursday, October 1, 2015

Omar Khayyam Was Drunk

When he said:

"Dreaming when Dawn's Left Hand was in the Sky
I heard a voice within the Tavern cry,'Awake, my Little ones, and fill the Cup
Before Life's Liquor in its Cup be dry'."
and so was I, and so was I.