Five Impossible Things Before Lunch

"I'm just one hundred and one, five months and a day."

"I can't believe that!" said Alice.

"Can't you?" the Queen said in a pitying tone. "Try again: draw a long breath, and shut your eyes."

Alice laughed. "There's no use trying," she said: "one can't believe impossible things."

"I daresay you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."

-Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

I'm not a morning person, so, after careful consideration, here are my five post-breakfast impossible thoughts:

1. An elephant bed made out of cobwebs. I was thinking of hammocks and hammocks are usually crocheted (wait, are they?) and crochet looks like cobwebs and that made me think of elephants which are the antithesis of crochet because they're heavy and cumbersome unlike the ladylike elegance of crochet (which is a really fun word the more I say it). Sorry spiders, your fibers are futile for bedding.

2. Decent music on the radio. Ever since they stopped playing NSYNC, radio hasn't been the same, but mostly, radio hasn't caught on to electroswing yet: 

3. A calm household. My family has no chill, none. This will never happen unless secret sidekick ninjas of Bruce Lee's yore tie us up and put on a classic Bollywood movie.

P.S: Please let it be "Hum Hain Rahi Pyar Ke".

4. Staying within my budget. Wait, what budget? I usually like to make sure my bank account is at an even number. That means something right? #millennialprobz 

5. I'm going to buy chicken pumpkin applesauce when Ghostface Killah drops an album. Research and statistics will agree that that phrase, in that order, has never before been said thus having made it not only unique, but also impossible because I'm not sure if Ghostface even drops albums. 

Related but unrelated note: Read The Tao of Wu

Dan Stevens

I am in the middle of writing an article about solar power, but who has time for solar power when you've just realized Dan Stevens exists? I am forever impressed by an actor/actresses, namely Christian Bale and Christian Bale again ability to gain or lose weight depending on his role. Bale obviously for The Machinist and Stevens for his roles in Downtown Abbey and The Guest. I've never seen Downtown Abbey but when I googled Dan's picture I said "dad bod". I can say this because I am single without children in sight and have a mom bod. Sadly, life isn't a Victorian tv set and I don't have an Emmy to show for it.

Here's pictures of Dan's face so that you too can admire him. Stare into the blue abyss of his eyes.

But life's really a nightmare so I leave you with Christian Bale's physical staccato. 

Back to Dan Stevens though. Good night. 

                                             

Omar Khayyam Was Drunk

When he said:

"Dreaming when Dawn's Left Hand was in the Sky

I heard a voice within the Tavern cry,'Awake, my Little ones, and fill the Cup
Before Life's Liquor in its Cup be dry'."

and so was I, and so was I.

Fizzle Out

Okay, here I am, this is what I want to say
here are my thoughts, I'm putting them on display

disgrace this rhyme
spit it on the ground with words too round and edges too soft
my thoughts ricochet off the damn building

I let my emotions build til they fill
the explosive tanks
and then set them on fire
watch 'em burn to the ground

watch the incarcerated prisoners of my brain
fizzle
fizzle
fizzle
out.

It's not that I'm too afraid to speak
too afraid to look deep out of fear for what it is I truly seek
speak if I may, if just for a moment
I have a shitty attitude, I own it
not for a moment do I ever lose speed of the sights of what it is I truly need

It's just a spiritual moment.

God forsaken truth
let lose
it melted in my mouth
I swallowed it
the whole universe in its molecular minute

Now I'd say I'm in it to win it
but wait a minute
was I even in it to begin with?

I hold the truth to my lips, if just for a moment
crowning glory of truth laden with recycled abuse
tears and drama, I'd say save it for yo mama
but, like mama ever hears

her own ears swollen shut with abuse let loose
like a weak fire canon
"adhere to the canon companion"
but it's just my father with his remote control
remote controlled drone
a psycho
a clown I let loose
in my moment of rage

when I let my thoughts ricochet

splayed on the ground
now they stay on the ground
incarcerated prisoners
of abuse

I let them
fizzle
fizzle
fizzle
out.

Honeysuckle and Heresy

There's an old catholic church behind the

casino. I figure it's where the drunken 

bellies drag themselves off to so they can

beg for their souls back. 

"Lord, I am not worthy to receive you."


Raunchy soothsaid wisps


"but only say the word"

Honeysuckle and heresy


"and I shall"


Drink my guts out


"be healed."

Amen

- Anonymous

Input vs. Output

It's hard to live in a world that focuses on fast output
when often,
I want to sit down with my thoughts
coax them out of their shells
and tell them stories so theirs are better

There is no time for that
in a world
where your output matters
more than your input

nor does filter hold the same meaning
that it used to
you are not filtering your mind
for the purest form of poetry

you instead put filters on anything that comes out
and hope it still looks
pretty

Christmas For Us All

ornaments jingling
little birds singing
as the sound of the remote clicks away

like a word in the mouth
of a babe who's a sow
who sings merrily away to say:

oh little tree
and little me
and Disney far beyond

I hope against hope
to dance with the Pope
and gracefully we all fall down

Orange with White Stripes

orange with white stripes-- to go please
yes I'm in a hurry, no I will not take sugar with that
but add more milk please
and hold off on the cup holder
I want to feel the warmth of the orange and white stripes against my hand

sometimes, usually in the winter
I drink a lot of coffee
I figure, it's much cheaper than investing in a heater 
safer too.

I went to Ikea last summer and I bought orange with white stripes
I've seen it often in shows
I let out a giggle when I spot a celebrity sitting on the same duvet
and I wonder
sets must have a low budget if Zooey Deschanel and I both use the same duvet.